In case you were having trouble getting inspired for the mustache contest, check out the link below.
I know that the months of August and September are downers for the HOBO website, but damn!!! This is ridiculous! With a little more than 2 months until Stache Bash '08, I am getting mentally prepared. The razors are only coming out once, maybe two more times before they go into the file cabinet for a while. When the little lady complains for a month about the inevitable, I know its going to be a good year. Am I calling my shot? No. My mind changes like the leaves in fall. Who will win? I do not know. All I know is that it will be a most epic turnout. About as epic as an apple bavarian tort. Cheeks knows what I am talking about. Speaking of the Dizzle, I am going to give him a little love about being a dad which will happen hopefully in the next couple days. Mazal Tov my friend. Along with that, I am making a call to all the HOBOs that will be present for that fateful Wednesday night. Talk some smack about how much you will bring it. Call your shot. Rip em like Barry through the Bucs D. Bring this site back to life! I love all you guys but I want to hear some smack about your chances like Peaches lays verbal slaps on Mott or the people of Minnesota.
Double J
Thanks for the props JJ, but other than "when my son will actually show up," the question of the year is: "Will Aaron, Jr. have a better mustache than T.O.?" Vegas has it at even money. In the spirit of trash talking, please feel free to choke on this:
I'm about to spit rhymes, so PARK IT!
Your mustaches are strug-ga-ling like the stock market
On Thanksgiving Eve, I'll drive 200 miles
To watch another second place finish by Giles
Cause the Daddy is the champ, leaving females damp
This stache is in the super bowl, all others in training camp
You might think your stache will rock the party
But its really overrated like Sparty
You might think Cheeks is once again an underdog
But I will blast you like Sarah Palin on Show's blog
The champ will reign again, and I know it hurts
Cause you will feel smaller than Mott's T-shirts
You might think I'm out here just makin noise
And that I'll underachieve like the 98 Speedboys
And now I must leave you with one last venomous line
Cheeks is goin back-to-back like the Cubs in 08 and 09.
Niiccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccce. Cheeks Dizzle brings it. I am really waiting for a In-A-Gadda-La-Vida length rhyme from the Daddy. If you cant get with a man like Cheeks Daddy, you have a problem with yourself.
OK folks, enough with the Spartan jokes.
So what if we carton smoke, more than Mike Hart can choke?
At least we keep it all natural. Should I say it again?
This blond mustache isn't Just For Men!
You HOBOs are funny with your performance enhancers.
I've seen better lip hair on some Beansnappers dancers.
Shank, JJ, and Brownie, your mustaches are cute.
But they brown and old school, like Mike Graham in a suit.
And if it wasn't for Show's shirt and a bucket of bleach,
The only thing on Cheeks' waist is a reach from the Peach.
So on November 26th, by the time you leave the V,
You'll be spelling mustache with a capital G.
And that's totally serious, not just for the smiles.
My prediction for "Five" goes Gregas, Garske, Giles...
Reading this blog really has been funny,
but all you guys act like you're all money.
I've seen the best you have to offer,
and it's no better than Cyndi Lauper.
I may not be a Croate, Italian, or a Fin,
but I'll still put you in the grave like Paul Newman.
This may seem coarse and lacking class,
like fresh stubble on Justy Mott's ass,
But I have a serious plan this year,
and I have grown a stash to fear.
I may not rhyme like Cheeks or G-Mac,
But when it comes to a stash I am on the attack.
I have been seriously looking forward to this,
it is not something I intend to miss.
When we will all get up there on that stage,
including those of you who are middle-age,
We will show our wears to the crowd,
even those of you who aren't so well endowed,
It is going to be a showdown that's for sure,
to see who has the greatest upper lip fur,
And when it is all said and done,
I fully intend to be the one,
Who holds that belt with pride,
for this time I cannot be denied.
And if I'm not victorious on that fateful night,
I will still raise my glass and be polite,
For though I may not have won,
you are still my family who just like to have fun
Cheeks, Giles, Ruppe, and Smokey,
ReRe, Brady, C-Gar, and Brownie
Hashbrown, Bibbles, JJ, and Show,
Gregas, Shan-Shan, Jizzy, and Big T.O.,
You are all part pf what makes up this fine group HOBO.
My name is Giant,
and I stand defiant!
One more thing before I leave,
I want to say something I truly believe,
That I am proud to be a HOBO,
and not just some Joe Shmoe.
Word is born.
I will see you soon with my stash fit for porn.
such active use of figurative language...
also,
when are super power assigned?
word
back off...i teach illiterate high schoolers who can't write or speak well..i'm picking up back habits
Oh Shan...you gotta know by now...
That all them bad habits be illin'
Don' let all them nasty chillins be stoppin'
You from layin' down all that gramma'
Bitch smack it down like a hamma'
Cuz them teachers be teachin'
Oh no we ain't Jizzy Peachin'
We be layin' it down hard,
Rappin' like Willie the bard
An' we be takin' em old school like a fight in tha yard.
So don't be hatin' on teachers
We got all the bomb features
And when we roll in that room
We lay it down like BOOM.
...at least that's how I do it...muthamercy.
Dear HOBOS and and stache growers
I await the night of V f'n W goers
to see Fu, handlebar, and Pancho Villa
kickin more ass than Michael Jackson's thrilla.
My upper lip:naked, prepubescent, jealous
but i'll cheer on my brothers and be zealous.
So stop the show, with a myriad of mustache for me and RERE
cuz we long for a mustache or a lip toupee
can't wait for Tgive and it is nearing
need a break from a job that pays less than volunteering
bring on the HOBOs, fohs, and lip pube supporters
for a battle preceded by raps layed like bricks and mortar
So Cheeks Daddy, Giant, Gmac, follicle friendly folk
ya'll make growing look easier than the breast stroke.
See you in months and raise your glasses
for the mustaches that should be hairier than your asses.
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